Shut Up, Billy

I’m sure no one can watch as much television as I do, so this may not annoy fellow former-smokers, but at least four times a day I see a commercial for Chantix featuring “Billy.”  Billy is super-enthusiastic about being a non-smoker now.  He says being a non-smoker is “fun!”

No it’s not.  It’s stressful and hard — at least for me.  I had my last cigarette on August 20th, 2010 at 10:38am.  Yes, I remember exactly.  That’s how stressed out I still am.  Don’t get me wrong; I know the health benefits I’ve gained from quitting and it was almost like discovering a new world once the nicotine was out of my system.  I can taste my food now and I don’t get sick as much and it’s a lot less expensive.  But I still feel like Anna in “Keeping the Faith” when I see someone smoking: I want to run over and kiss them to suck the nicotine from their lungs.  The physical cravings have lessened, but the emotional ones are still inside me, begging me.  My smoking was tied to my eating disorder, which is still active.  Instead of eating, I would smoke.  Now that option has been taken away from me, like so many other unhealthy habits I’ve either quit or tried to quit.  My coping mechanisms are lacking these days.  So I’m glad you’re grinning ear-to-ear, Billy, but excuse my testiness when I say, “Shut. Up.”

Now — does anyone know how to get marijuana in Ohio?  Kidding.
(Not kidding. ;))

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