Symptom

My fat is a symptom of my loss of safety.  My binge-eating is a symptom of my chronic emptiness.  My scars are a symptom of my inability to regulate my self-hatred and extreme emotions.  My anxiety is a symptom of my fear of both the known and unknown.  My nightmares are a symptom of the abuse and terror I have experienced.

I am lost and I am shattered, but I am not over.

The fact that I am still alive is a symptom of my strength and hope that I can still get better.

— ♥ — ♥ —

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Best Birthday Card Ever

So today is my birthday — I’m 44 now (*gulp*) — and although I had told her not to worry about it, my Mom bought me a birthday card.  When she handed it to me, she hugged me and said, “I mean every word.”  She even signed it herself, which is hard for her to do because her hands shake so much.

I actually cried when I read it because it was so beautiful and because I felt so much love.  Sometimes it’s hard for me to really feel loved, so this is a special moment and I want to share it with all of you.  xx